Falling Fossils
Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple. Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles, as well as pick up after their pets.

One day, I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up, and put them back on the shelf. The next week, the same thing happened.

That afternoon, my employer came into the parlor, her faithful dog behind her. Looking around, she eyed the bookcase. "Nya," she asked the dog, "how in the world do you keep getting your bones up there?"
Many puppy owners complain of taking their pup outside to eliminate only to have it turn into a 50 minute play session with no potty results. Be sure to keep your outdoor potty visits short and sweet. Signal your intention with a command, such as ""go potty"" and spend no more than 2-5 minutes in the pursuit of this goal. If no elimination occurs, go back indoors, and try again in 30 minutes. This will prevent your puppy from manipulating potty time into play time.
"If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog."
- George Bernard Shaw