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LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
Using just a little patience, along with a powerful incentive food, you can train your dog to sit or lie down without much effort. It's actually quicker to get your dog to sit by inducing him to do it, rather than pushing down on his rump. Here's how: Hold a piece of food above your dog. His nose usually goes up while his rump comes down. Another trick is to wait until your dog just happens to be sitting, then giving the "sit" command and rewarding him.
"A dog, I will maintain, is a very tolerable judge of beauty, as appears from the fact that any liberally educated dog does, in a general way, prefer a woman to a man." - Frances Thompson
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